This place sucks!

and is going out of business.

Apparently no one wants to buy pencils for ludicrous amounts of money, because you are an asshole.

$100

Basic Package

This is for people who have way to much to blow on pencils, but are still cheap bastards.

$1,000

Pro Package

Not actually our most popular package, but we don't want you to think that the cheapast actually is. Telling you that the most expensive is the most popular would be too obvious of a lie.

$10,000

Deluxe Package

This is exactly like the $1,000 package. The only difference is that you are that much more of an idiot.

$1,000,000

Premium Package

Come on, don't be stupid. There has to be a better way to blow a million dollars. You can go to space 4 times!

Reduced Prices!

On nothing! We're keeping the prices exactly the same, because fuck the customer.

Massive Layoffs!

Since we had to kick so many people to the curb, we probably won't even be able to ship your order.

So what did I just buy?

A pencil.

I will go down to some office supply store, buy a box of pencils for $2 and send one of them to you. Or I might just take a used pencil out of the kitchen drawer and send that one to you.

Free Shipping!*

*To anywhere in the continental United States. Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery.

We take Bitcoin!

If you are buying something worthless, you might as well be buying it with a worthless currency.

Coming Soon: Pencil as a Service!

Need to send a hand written letter, but don't have the time to actually give a shit?

Just upload your text file here and we will write it out and send it for you!